There’s a Hole in my Soul…

21 July, 201529 March, 2016

Healing temple at Asklepios, Greece. — Healing temple at Asklepios, Greece where patients revealed their Dreams to help with their healing.

There are many issues that psychotherapists deal with, but not many therapies are specifically developed to deal with issues of the Soul.

Some believe that this is best left to religion to sort out, but not everyone follows a religious path, and many are starting to identify as SBNR, or Spiritually Independent. I have noticed that it is this group of people who are turning to psychotherapy to deal with such issues.

And, why not?

The word psychotherapy derives from the ancient Greek words psyche meaning soul and therapeia meaning healing. Healing the soul is what we are meant to be doing, as well as healing the mind and heart.

Each client brings their own perspective on soul issues, but I have noticed a common theme – a feeling of emptiness deep inside. Some believe that a lack of purpose in Life is the cause of this empty feeling; some say that they feel so caught up in the “rat race” that they have no time to experience the deeper aspects of their lives. They say that organized religion is not the right “container” for their souls to flourish, but they struggle to find anything in life that fulfils this need. I know this place. I have struggled with that empty feeling and it can be a difficult path to navigate through.

So, how can psychotherapy help the Soul?

First, we can provide the space for our clients to explore these deeper issues, rather than analyzing them away, or finding a way to make them issues of the mind. This is a reductionist view on Soul issues. If you are seeking help with this, try to find a therapist who is holistic in their approach and will incorporate the Soul into their practice.

In my own therapy, I was able to explore some of the things that brought meaning to my life, such as being in Nature. I have also taken up writing as a way of trying to express my deeper self. In my private practice, I try to encourage my clients to find their own path to self /soul actualization. Rather than depending on the world to create it for them, I ask them to explore what they can do to fulfill their own needs.

Self-responsibility is a key to this journey! With time and work, they have found a way to express their soul-purposes in life through meaningful work, creativity, being in nature, helping others, and intimate relationships, to name a few.

This “soul therapy” can lead to a different way of being in Life.

I noticed that, when I started to live from this place, I saw things differently. I let go of people who were only interested in drama and I started to feel connected to people, place and things that brought meaning into my life.

When I feel disconnected, I notice that I start to feel depressed and empty again. This is a sign that change is needed, or that I got caught up in something that pulled me away from my purpose.

The important thing is this: find what is meaningful for you in your own life and live your life from that place. It may be difficult at first, but ask for support. There are people out there on their own paths, either going through, or have been through, these struggles. That “hole in your soul” could be filled with all of the things that make your life more meaningful – and joyful, too.

Finding meaning through suffering

26 June, 2015

As we go through our journey in life, most of us have periods of suffering. This suffering comes to us in many shapes and forms, from an event that may be out of our control, to the acute pain of tragedy and loss. In my private practice, Suffering has walked through the door nearly every time. Like an old friend, I try to greet it with compassion no matter what form it shows up in. Sometimes, I fail. I had a client who came to a session very upset because her “friends” on Facebook were “unfollowing” her. On the surface this seemed like a first world problem, and I felt irritated by her upset. As we started to peel back the layers, her deepest pain was a fear of abandonment, and I was humbled once again. Suffering always has a lesson to teach me!

My view on suffering changed when I read Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning (1959) as a student psychotherapist. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who was imprisoned by the Nazis and sent to various concentration camps from 1942-1945. During this time, when the prisoners had been stripped of everything in their lives, Frankl noticed that certain inmates were able to bear their situation better than others. They chose how they wanted to be,and act, despite their losses. For example, some were able to find meaning through caring for other prisoners. Others would give away their portions of food to those who were struggling in this bleak environment. These people did not let their circumstances dictate their own personal attitudes and actions. After the war was over, Frankl went on to write about his experiences in the death camps and developed a theory on finding meaning in life. He observed:

…we can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take to unavoidable suffering. (pg. 133)

This last point gave me insight into my own suffering. Rather than wanting to escape from any pain I was facing, or faced in the past, I chose to find meaning. Rather than wanting a quick-fix, I chose to go through the pain and see what I could learn from these experiences. It was really difficult, but I found a deeper compassion for myself, and for others, which I try to reflect in my psychotherapy practice. I have seen suffering on many different levels, with unique meaning for each client. The client, which I mentioned before, started to understand what true friendship meant for her. She realized that she had been neglecting her 2 closest friends, whom she had known since childhood, in favour of “friends” on social media sites. She was able to see that she had become the abandoner, and this led her to reconnect with the people who truly loved and cared for her. She found meaning, and her suffering led her to a place of gratitude for the people in her life.

I am sure that Suffering will come knocking on my door at some point in the future. I will try to meet it with the same fortitude that Viktor Frankl describes in his book. It will be painful, but not meaningless.

Leaving the harbour

18 June, 2015

In my last post I wrote about being in limbo, waiting for an external source to give me an answer to the question – what are my next steps?

Well, I did get an answer, but not the one I was expecting. On the same day, two people, a client in a session, and a friend, said the same quote to me:

“A ship is safe in harbor…but that is not what ships are for.”

William Shedd

Such simple words, but so true.

I guess we can play it safe and stay in our “harbours”, our comfort zones, but is that what we are built for? Is that a big enough purpose to see us through our lives?

The more I think about this, I start to wonder how many of us do not do what we are meant to be doing with our lives. How many of us stay safe and do not express our deeper selves, and our talents?

Over the years, I have seen many clients with skills and capabilities that filled me with inspiration. I was a witness to their potential, but their fears and beliefs held them back.

Some of them were able to work through the mental obstacles and go on to create businesses, or projects, that reflected who they are.

Others, sadly, couldn’t get past their belief systems, but I hold onto hope that, one day, they will be able to share themselves with the world.

My client said she found the quote and was thinking about it for her own life. My friend said it to me because I was not sure of my next steps. I thought writing was a way that I could express my thoughts and ideas, but was frightened of rejection, or failure.

When I heard this quote for the second time, I knew I had to take notice.

There are many qualities needed to take the first steps: courage and perseverance are just two of them. I needed support, and asking for help is difficult for an independent person like me.

But help I sought, and it came my way. I started a writing course, met some supportive people and created my blog.

I can still hear that little voice inside saying to me, “you shouldn’t be doing this because you are making a fool of yourself.” These harsh words and criticisms don’t have the same effect on me like they use to have. I know it is just my fear talking, trying to protect me.

To continue with this metaphor, I feel like I am just pulling out of the harbour and leaving the safety of the shore. There is a big ocean out there to be explored, and I am excited to see what will happen and who I will meet on the way.

(For an update on this post, click here).